Attention Dog-Owners!

I’ve grown up with dogs.  I love their inquisitive faces, their loyalty, companionship, and personality.  For many thousands of years man has been domesticating dogs and training them to be our companions, hunting partners, and security.  So unless you have a wolf, dingo, or coyote in your house, you should be able to train your dog to do the most basic of tasks.  And that is—[BARK BARK]—to get them to—[BARK BARK]—sorry, where was I ?  Yes, training dogs.  It’s not difficult—[BARK BARK BARK]—to work with your dog—[BARK BARK]—to…um…hold on.  “Bark bark bark, there, do you like that?  HUH?  DO YOU??!!”  Okay, I was saying about dogs that they can be trained and—[BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK]—the owners should be able to get them to stop barking at every little—[BARK BARK BARK]—I said, every little thing that happens.  In our neighborhood it sounds like every other house is a home kennel with wild and angry dogs who—[BARK BARK]—sorry, who are outside all the time and start barking at five or six in the morning.  Sometimes—[BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK]—SOMETIMES the dogs whine, yip, and howl as well, making our little community—[BARK BARK BARK]—sound like a canine torture chamber.  Seriously, if you own—[BARK BARK]—I said IF YOU OWN a dog, you need to train it not to bark and also need to keep it inside from, say 8 pm-[BARK BARK BARK BARK]—until 8 am.  And here’s what I don’t get:  how is it not incredibly annoying for your own dog—[BARK BARK]—to be constantly interrupting you when—[BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK]—you are trying to talk or live in your own house?  How—[BARK]—is that not INCREDIBLY IRRITATING?  So for the love of—[BARK BARK]—GOD please control the barking noise or I’ll start honking my horn every couple seconds then get offended when neighbors suggest I stop.

Wait…do you hear that?  They are finally quiet!  Now I can talk on the phone or put my children to sleep or watch TV or—[BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK]

About Peter Soutowood

Writer, architect, father, husband.