This is Why You Lost

Posted on June 9, 2009 by Peter Soutowood

I had hoped not to get into politics on my blog because arguing about it is like shouting into the wind. But sometimes you have to take a deep breath and scream.

Here’s what the Republican party has been up to recently. The Obama administration has been fairly busy in the past few months, what with the monumental task of rebuilding our country’s economy and repairing global attitudes of the United States as we emerge from the smoldering rubble of an eight year-long train wreck. So it’s good they don’t have time to get distracted by the Republicans, defeated and powerless, who are sputtering and flapping their arms as if they don’t know the ship left without them back in November.

Thank you, Newt Gingrich, for letting us know that Obama has already failed. We need voices of optimism, support, and leadership, and you are just the kind of person to provide none of that. So sit down.

Thank you, Jon Voight, for referring to your commander-in-chief as a “false prophet”, and for telling Americans that, “We are becoming a weak nation.” Your work in Anaconda, Lara Croft, SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Transformers, and Bratz is more impressive than Obama’s degrees from Columbia University and magna cum laude from Harvard Law. You are completely qualified to tell Joe Everyman that we are becoming weak while he looks for a job and a way to pay for his family’s healthcare. Thumbs up, Jon!

Thank you, Sarah Palin, for showing up at the Republican soiree. Because you didn’t open your mouth, you just gained an extra four charisma points. But with intelligence at 4 and wisdom at 3, you’d better try to build up some hit points, ‘cause you ain’t gonna show them bigwigs inside the beltway whatta pit bull you are if ya can’t get nominated!

The sad bleats and spitballs coming from the right side of the aisle recently are quite reassuring. If this is the best the Republicans have to offer after eight years in power, we can be assured a long period of strong leadership resulting in prosperity, peace, and wisdom. Newt and his buddies can continue to take pot shots from the sidelines.

Republicans: Washington’s Tusken Raiders.