I’m looking over the flour brand list from the bakery supply place I visited last week. I started out trying to confirm whether the “Big Yield” flour I bought is unbleached, as it is indicated on my invoice. I may have to take it back and exchange it if I can’t find the little “unbleached” sticker that is supposedly on the bag. That’s okay, I won’t mind another trip out to the hill country. Yippe-ki-ay!
The brand names of these breads continue to entertain me. Some are predictable, like Morebread, Evenloaf, and Springmore. Others must have been dreamed up by ad guys in the 50s with sweat rings under their arms and overflowing ashtrays on their desks. Here are some of my favorites.
Majestic names: Titan, Colossus, Power, Magnifico, Confidence, Superlative, Supreme, Grand Imperial, Potentiate (these sound like American car makes from the 80s)
Romantic: Shonemist, American Beauty, Sunny Texas, Golden Gate, Mainsail, Five Roses
South of the Border: El Dorado, Sol Brilliante, Granada, La Unica
Atom Age Quasi-Futuristic: Sno Sheen, Vim, White-O-Life, Hi Mity (reminds me of a house I saw named Klere Vu [ugh—shiver]), Expando, Wheat-A-Laxa (sounds like a digestive aid)
Baffling: Hummer, Isis, Damon, Force, Turbo, Protector, Urban Special (isn’t this a kind of handgun or a back alley transaction?)
I’m trying to strengthen Aurora Bakery’s tentacle vice grip on the global bakery market. So far I have one order for the week. I’m continuing to hand out my menus to discriminating and nearby customers, and have some plans for other markets. However, at some point a man with an ID badge and clipboard will show up at my door demanding a Seller’s Permit, Environmental Health Permit, Baker’s Permit, Tax Franchise permit, Distribution License, Intent-to-Distribute license, Manufacturer’s permit, Food Goods of America Guild membership card, County Oven Operators Division of Public Health certificate, Federal Yeast Propagation permit, and a State Bureau of Licensing Permit. At which point I will say, “Me no speekey Engrish!” and shut the door.
Writer, architect, father, husband.
No know or understand–what eez thees bread thing? Solly man.