Birthday mania is sweeping our household like a pandemic flu. No, that’s not right. Like a…zombie apocalypse. Better. Regular rules are crumbling before the leviathan of BIRTHDAY. Presents are opened early, sugar is consumed, it’s all topsy-turvy up in this piece. Last night, the day before her birthday, my wife gave Child Harbat an early present. I should note my wife is a fantastic gift-buyer and giver and I hope that my questioning of her tradition-stomping behavior will prevent her from tossing my burned and mangled Christmas presents into the trash. Let me ask what you think a little girl likes more than a rainbow unicorn that she can bandage up and put a cold compress on its head and cover it with blankets and put it on a soft bed? Hmm? What could be better than this, a rainbow unicorn pillow that folds up into a stuffie?
How about we dunk it in highly reactive radioactive materials so that it glows at night? Do you feel your skin peeling off? Got the shakes? Are your bones snapping like pretzel sticks? MU-HAHAHA! You’ve gotten Glowing Unicorn Sickness!
Oh fine, it’s not really radioactive, it has LED lights. And despite its turbo-mega-awesomeness it still doesn’t compete with the massive custom rainbow unicorn pillow that dominates CH’s bed and was made by my sister. But the new glowing unicorn gets a special #2 position at the corner of the bed. Where it glows and makes your bladder involuntarily release.
But there’s more! Birthday morning wouldn’t be JUST THE BEST EVER without some early-release presents. A family of beautiful fairies came into CH’s life, courtesy of her aunt and uncle. They were pressed into immediate service with lots of ooey-gooey aww’s and ooh’s and then tucked into a xylophone which doubled as a flying fairy school bus. Well, it’s yellow, and they are under control, so it seems to be working.
You’d think this was the pinnacle of birthday excitement but there’s oh so much more to come. Another party this weekend with a group of children equaling the current population of Belgium. And there will be more presents, frosted confections and, inevitably, tears when it all comes crashing into post-birthday denouement. Happy birthday to my little girl and many happy returns!