It has happened again. With the best intentions, my wife has planted some kale in our garden. Sure, it’ll provide some leafy green now and again. You might think of the neat bundle of kale you find in the produce department, a wedding bouquet-sized cluster of greens with a tight cluster of stems, all wrapped up with a twist tie. Neat, healthy, manageable. Now shield your eyes from the monstrosity taking over our front garden:
This is some kind of tree kale. Or maybe it was colony kale, or civilization kale. Whatever strain, it is virulent and unstoppable. Heat waves and lack of water make it stronger, frost and soggy ground just encourages it. During winter it has redoubled in size. The sheer biomass of this thing is probably causing localized aquifer draining and has raised the oxygen levels in our neighborhood. If I wasn’t afraid, I could set a chair in front of this plant and watch it grow. Do you think this is hyperbole? Do you think I exaggerate? Holy hell, look at this two-foot long leaf!