[bleep]

Dandy, dandy start to the day.  I get up early to be ready for an office-wide breakfast at 7.  Just about to get on the highway and see I’m out of gas.  Fine, I drive down another block to a gas station.  Sit at the light for three cycles until I realize the turn arrow won’t ever turn green, so I go through the red.

Wait!  You think you know what’s going to happen…but you don’t!  I pull into the station and pull the little electrical switch to open the gas filler flap.  When I walk around to the side, it’s still locked tight.  This has happened once before.  At the time, it took me 10 minutes and somehow it opened.  Also at the time I thought, “I should get this fixed.”  This morning I was forced to do just that.  The door didn’t open and I drove to the dealership on fumes, twiddled my thumbs until a serviceman appeared from his well-heated booth, and was told there’d be a $102 diagnostic charge.  And my extended warranty had already run out.  Awesome!

Then I walked back home, which was also AWESOME, since it was in the 40s and I have full-bore case of bronchitis.  And my hair was wet.  Great!

I got to the office and nobody was there, since they were out having breakfast.  I got to eat my lunch for breakfast and begin my day.  And I got to tell the plumber that I’d measured the dishwasher and the opening, and they WOULD be able to get it installed.  It wouldn’t be easy, or fun, but it could be done.  He said he might be able to come back today to do the job.  Which is funny since he left yesterday without doing any of the other work necessary to install the new unit, like capping off the old plumbing, installing new waste and water lines.  When I say funny I mean it puts me in a mood like this:

By the end of the day, I expect to have a working car, an installed and running dishwasher, and a toilet made of 24-karat gold.  I will settle for two of three.

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Writer, architect, father, husband.

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2 comments on “[bleep]
  1. SRWood says:

    I am confused. You complain about washing dishes by hand, but have you no wife? Who wears the pants here, anyway? You complain about the dishwasher not fitting, but have you no power tools? Insolent architectural features that do not permit appliance installation should be MADE to cooperate. Ask yourself: What would Anton Chigurh do? And your gas cap lid locks shut: have you nothing with which to remove it? Equipment that misbehaves should be … educated. Or removed altogether. Few things have given me more boatbuilding pleasure than the sight of a recalcitrant bar clamp soaring through the air and disappearing into the woods. Until I trudged in and retrieved it.

  2. psoutowood says:

    Nothing says emasculation like working with the service industry! Turns out the part needed for my car won't be available until next week. Strike one. Turns out the plumber couldn't make it on Friday. Strike two. And our toilet remains porcelain. Strike three.Re: my wife doing dishes. She has done remarkably well, considering her extreme dislike of old food and soggy unknown mush congealing in the drain. I am fine with it, so I usually get old food disposal duty, while she scrubs or dries dishes.Re: reeducation of troublesome mechanical parts. Apparently smacking your hand on the gas lid and saying "Crap!" doesn't fix a broken actuator motor. Maybe I could actuate it with a crowbar and fifth of scotch?

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